Hey, I might be popping over for a spell to Europe this summer. Mind if I swung by and stayed the night to say hi? Not too sure of all the details. My new boyfriend is living in Germany (hence the reason I'm going, but seeing your lovely smile again would be great! :) ) and I thought I would just tour the Old World and say hi to a few old friends. Oh, and the next person who makes you the butt of their jokes....

Tell them I'll be there in person to shut them the fuck up. They'll be lucky if they have a tongue left to speak with.