(no subject)

Yesterday, I was sat actually watching Kerrang tv, rather than just listening, when Linkin Park, Crawlin', came on, and I sat, intently watching. Mike said "I don't like this video" but me, I love it. There's something about this video that makes me sit and watch. This girl is looking at herself in the mirror, and her tears come out black. People are in there, and they look at her like she's insane. They don't care that she's crying. When I see someone at school crying, it doesn't matter who it is, I'll stop to see if they are ok. So this girl, she's there, and in her mind, she's got these walls made from crystal, and they are closing in on her. She even rejects her boyfriend, because she's not herself. Sums me up in one at the moment, When I look in the mirror, sometimes it's not me. I'm not this person, and I don't want to be this person. I can't concentrate on work, and I wish I had concentrated back when I had the chance, instead of being a lazy shite like I am now. The only thing is that she manages to break these walls down, and she embraces he boyfriend, and she looks beautiful, untroubled. This is the part that I'm still waiting for. I feel like there's a void in my life, like there's something missing. Kula:Shaker were something I lost and loved. I have no faith in the music scene right now, as nothing means as much to me as they did. I'm so glad that I went to see them live twice, as it's one of the few memories that I can still remember as clear as it were yesterday.

One of the other things bothering me is my sleep. How many times can I go to bed in tears? When I do, no-one realises. This morning on the bus I cried to Jane about something that was bothering me, but it still isn't over. I can't sort it out, becaue I've got no-one to sort it with. Fucking hell, I can't go through life like this.

Random thought, I want to be Gwen Stefani, and the lead singer from Spineshank copied my hair! Grrr