It's a new day, it's a new dawn, it's a new life for me...

And I'm feeling good.

Ok, so not perfect, but today is the start of a whole new Mofette. I'm going to be motivated, happy and everything I envy in everyone else. I want people to envy me again.

the first things involved in this are giving up my meds. I feel like they're a false sense of security, and I've been on them 3 weeks, and they've done nothing. The only person who can change me is me and I'm damn well going to do it. The fact that I can't drink on the medication annoyed me, so I drank anyway. I ended up in a worse state than I've ever been without the drugs, so the drugs are bad. I'm going on a strict diet. I want to loose weight so I've got more confidence in me. So I don't have to wait for someone to tell me I look good, I know it. I'm going to cycle over to Alrewas tomorrow and ask about jobs in all the pubs.

I'm gutting my room and doing all the little things that I have been putting off for years. If I don't want it and it's no use to anyone, it's going out. Otherwise it's off to a car boot sale in August when my parents come back from holiday. If they don't sell, then they're off to a cancer research shop. I'm not so worried about Japan any more. There are reasons for this I don't want to disclose, as it'll all go tits up again, but enough about pessimism.

I'm not going to say no to anything unless it's illegal or involves spending an unreasonable amount of money. This may mean a Mofette in London sometime soonish. This also means no drugs, and I don't want to ever touch another cigarette. Who am I to get angry about someone smoking when I lapse into it myself. I am going to change and I am going to be happy. Whether there's my Zell in my life is his call, but I'm going to do my best to be a better person. I only hope he can see this.

(no subject)

Thanks everyone for the concern about coming off the meds. Seeing my doctor is not an option, as he's in Leeds and I am in Lichfield. I'm sure I can manage it, as I've only been on them 3 weeks, and I can't be relying on them yet. I want to come off them, more than anything to prove to myself I can do something if I put my mind to it. I don't want to rely on them, and the side-effects are still here. I don't want to end up on sleeping tablets too.

Lunch has consisted of an apple. Something I haven't eaten for about 3 years. Breakfast was plain cornflakes with skimmed milk. Mum's saying I can join slimmer's world, and is taking me to the supermarket tomorrow. I have celery for a snack later on. Mum's getting me something good for tea, and all chocolate and edinburgh rock has been banned from my presence.

Now, I'll clean out my wardrobe and maybe throw some shoes away!